the daily emmett

A Fitting Monument

2008-11-07T14:15:00.003-05:00

A snapshot of global attention the day after, and the internet at its finest.

(Give it a click!)

Pick of the Day

2008-10-13T13:02:00.004-04:00

The next worthwhile DVD purchase...

MOVIE NIGHT

SHOTGUN

EXIT LANE

It's In All How You Look At It...

2008-10-02T16:01:00.004-04:00

A little V.P. debate primer.

Thanks to B. Finnegan of the Associated Press.

My iPod is My Quiet Place(?)

2008-09-27T13:42:00.010-04:00

Sometimes an argument may be best made spatially.

It's important to note that the above examples are both churches, operating at different extremes of the same program. This is certainly not a conclusion, just a question that finally managed to get on paper.

The Rest of the Story

2008-09-15T13:16:00.001-04:00

Not bad for Canadians.

Donkey Kong Country Rap

2008-08-25T21:05:00.004-04:00

...and we're back.

True.

5 Minutes of Hacker Fame (: i_m a dangerous man)

2008-04-30T10:44:00.010-04:00

Coffee Shop War Tactics

2008-04-12T11:36:00.005-04:00

We at the daily emmett confess that some among our staff are chronic coffeehouse "homesteaders". We love these places for their atmosphere and the sheer productivity they can accommodate. Indeed, there are few deals out there that can compare to the coffee house virtual office. Ideally, those of us that enjoy such a benefit would take care to be decent people and adhere to well-established coffee house laptop etiquette. Sadly, we are fallen, selfish people, and have recently experienced in our abuses a subtle counteractive as shop owners struggle to balance their own interests in a business rooted in hospitality.

Our research team has recently discovered "the coffee triangle". Much as fire needs the triangle of heat, fuel and oxygen, coffee house homesteaders need a table, an outlet, and free WiFi to sustain their way of life. Take any one of these away, and the homesteader's expiration is only a matter of time. In this battle, there are several strategies a coffee house can employ in the struggle to dissuade the homesteader without appearing inhospitable. One coffeehouse near the daily emmett headquarters employs a faulty router which routinely resets and kicks the user offline (...oops!...sorry...) to the point that's almost not worth the hassle. Another cafe merely limits the entire dining area to 2 wall outlets, creating with each visit a type of "laptop bourgeois" who were privileged to have landed the good spot, while treating the rest of us to a quiet existence of "outlet watching", marked by moments of false hope every time one of privileged gets up for a refill. The most elaborate example, however is featured below.

Notice in plan the careful arrangement so that, while providing all elements of the "coffee triangle", only Tables 1, 3, 4 and 6 are within an cord's length of an outlet. Tables 1, 2 and 3 are all of the tall variety which fatigues the legs for durations of much more than an hour. Furthermore, Tables 1, 3, and 6 are in the line of fire to be blasted by the definitively in-hospitable Michigan winter anytime someone opens the door (tragically, one of our staff recently sat at table 6 and lost a toe to frostbite). This leaves only Table 4 as the ideally hospitable environment for the laptop user.

This exemplifies the guerrilla tactics of suburban America, as one species battles for its own bid at self-preservation. Fascinating.

Stress-Relief from Middle-Earth

2008-03-29T14:10:00.007-04:00

Although these guys have been around for a while, they are enjoying somewhat of a resurgence here at the home offices of the daily emmett. That's probably because their music embodies the daily emmett mandate to "make awesome". Today, we'd like to highlight a few of our favorites from New Zealand's fourth most popular digi-folk paradists, Flight of the Conchords.

Have fun.

Business Time

Think About It

Navigating the Melting Pot... (fondue, of course)

2008-03-25T09:44:00.009-04:00

This week, another gem as we pan the internet looking wisdom. the daily emmett research team would like to highlight a fellow blog dedicated to the exciting new field of caucasian studies. It's no secret that as we emerge into the 21st Century, so-called "white" people are figuring more and more prominently into American culture and it's economy. Stuff White People Like provides a wealth of information on what to do should you ever encounter one.

Check it out.

Photoshop as a Metaphor

2008-03-13T18:05:00.004-04:00

First off, we at the daily emmett apologize for the disturbing turn to emotionally sensitive posts over the past few weeks. While speculation has run nation-wide that the daily emmett was perhaps on its period, the daily emmett acknowledges that such posts are totally bush-league. Profound changes in management have transpired to ensure the quality of our publication.

Now we turn to the issue of Photoshop, which we (like everyone else in America) consider ourselves something of experts. For those of you who would like to learn more, but don't like the way learning feels, check out the "You Suck at Photoshop" series.

Context (or: "How Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Emasculation")

2008-02-11T15:11:00.000-05:00

I had the television on last week just for background noise when I was ambushed by "Father of the Bride". Like everyone else, I've seen the movie multiple times: Trying to score points on a date, the obligatory viewing with my fiancee and her parents just before the big day. No big deal, just a tolerable, light-hearted comedy.

Not this time.

You never really watch that movie until you're a dad. I'm not sure if I cried multiple times or never really stopped ...just two hours of blubbering mess. Elliott's just 2-years-old, and already I find myself stricken with fear of the day that some jackass comes and messes up our cozy family. Laugh if you must (I would), but watch out guys, one day you'll have a daughter, too, and will hopefully be too smart to write publicly about what happened the day you got ambushed by a chick-flick.

Things I've Learned About Myself

2008-01-31T01:56:00.000-05:00

Everytime I use the microwave, I experience the breakdown of the metric system.

1.00 = 0.60?

Things I've Learned About Myself

2008-01-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

My favorite smell is Nintendo.

Wipe Out

2008-01-19T17:46:00.001-05:00

We bought Elliott a potty today, along with some "Baby's First Butt-wipes". This is the actual image on the box. (I'm not sure where fruit enters the equation here.)

It's amazing the things you overlook at the big box store until you have a reason to see them.

Pick of the Day

2007-12-18T22:16:00.001-05:00

2 Words: Harmonica + Beatbox

If it doesn't make you smile, check your pulse.

Pick of the Day

2007-12-17T10:32:00.000-05:00

For the second year in a row, the Killers have released a Christmas single for charity. In addition to beautifully mashing the old Outlaw Western genre with 80's synth-pop, this song in particular reminds me of my aunt's old Vinyl LP Singles (remember those little records you needed the plastic insert for?) made popular when it was still okay for artists to talk during the verses (Big Bopper, we're looking squarely in your direction).

The song is great, but the video is a blast. I actually want one of those sweaters so that I can have an ironic Christmas, too.

In Admiration of Follow-Through

2007-11-08T17:26:00.000-05:00

I'm currently working on a research paper on a Japanese product engineer who is so under-the-radar that his company's website is the only resource available. The website only exists in Japanese, so I'm having to rely on a "Babelfish" and "Google Translator" to translate it (poorly), which is leading to late nights reading sentences like this:

The duct is not the commodity that,
simply it is the energy-saving effect,
natural light the space where it lives is created,
the fact that a more comfortable living environment can be offered is bigcharm.

The Japanese are so poetic.

Mark Twain once came across a copy of his 1867 short story "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" as it had been translated into French, after reading a rather harsh review of his writing from a French critic. He then preceded to suggest that the problem was with the French language and not his writing, by systematically translating the French version of the story back into English word-for-word, retaining the French grammar and structure

In addition to serving as another fine example of a bad-ass mustache, we at the daily emmett would like to salute Mark Twain for showing uncommon commitment to a singular act of orneriness.

Well played, sir...well played.

The Rasterbator

2007-09-30T15:24:00.000-04:00

Probably one of the coolest bits of free-ware I've found online. Don't let the inappropriate name fool you, "the Rasterbator" is a seriously useful tool.

Anyone who has ever dealt much with images on their computer knows first-hand the limitations of raster images and resizing.

With "the Rasterbator", you can take any image and resize it as large as you want, achieving some pretty cool effects along the way.

It works by transforming images into a collection of circles that are 100% vector data, so there's no size limitation. It even tiles the image out onto a sheet size of your choosing, so you can easily make a poster to cover any wall with on the cheap!

I love cool stuff.

Pick of the Day - "The King of Kong"

2007-09-18T11:20:00.000-04:00

The local independent film-house here has been running a new documentary that is sure to join the echelon's of my favorite of all time. "The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" follows down-and-out middle school science teacher Steve Weibe as he tries to take on Billy Mitchell, a feathered-mullet sporting hot sauce mogul who holds the title of video game world champion. It all comes down to Donkey Kong, a machine cited by the competitors as "absolute brutality". The animosity between the two escalates to the point of break-ins and death threats, which drive the plot to a crescendo that even respected movie critics are comparing to Rocky.

What makes this a genuinely good film is that it is all built around a completely insignificant accomplishment, thus it's strength can only be attributed to strong characters, an arresting storyline, and effective directing. All of these things can be fudged with a large enough budget, and they often are these days. There is no budget here, my friend, just bare-bones movie making at its best.

check out the trailer
check out the website

Introducing "the daily emmett - architecture"

2007-09-14T11:53:00.000-04:00

For all of you that not only depend upon the daily emmett to keep you abreast of the pressing issues of our day, but also (more likely) are nice enough to read it as a way of keeping in touch, I'm proud to announce the architectural edition of the daily emmett!

The daily emmett - architecture will track my development and product during the course of my graduate work (and beyond). I will also be using the site as a distillery for my work, to transition it out of academia and into primetime, hoping that this will allow me to develop a capacity for producing work that is both accessible and interesting to the general public.

The link will always be to the right under the Title Bar, I hope you'll check it out.

-emmett

Art.

2007-09-07T08:36:00.000-04:00

An artist in Ontario started putting these up around town. In his own words: "It is supposed to be a comment on public spaces being routinely used for advertising (billboards, etc) but not for art. It is to bring a smile to people's faces, to get them to connect with their neighbours, to bring colour into an otherwise grey urban landscape."

The same artist has been known to wedge "bat-a-rangs" into walls and telephone poles as "evidence."

This installation was mimicked worldwide, until it reached the U.S., where the bomb squad was called in and charges were pressed against two girls in Ohio (read more here).

Things I've Learned About Myself

2007-09-05T12:51:00.001-04:00

I do not like the smell of America.

- Realized after going to the DMV

Mustache Erosion

2007-09-04T11:14:00.000-04:00

Recently I have been disturbed by subtle tremors echoing from deep within the sarcastic blogs and opportunistic television ads of our social arena. The mustache is in real trouble. Much like the mullet before it, it is normal to expect the turbulent ebb and flow of style and fashion. However, when the accessory in question becomes the target of joking and ridicule, it must be placed on the endangered list.

A bold move, obviously, which beckons the Question: Is the mustache worth saving?

Answer: Exhibit A & Exhibit B

The demise of the mustache is due to several factors. Camaroes, pedophiles, and those who try to practice without first passing their testosterone exam just to name a few. However, when treated with the proper respect, the mustache can be an object of inspiration. Who could image Sam Elliott with a naked face? Who among us would argue that a Tom Selleck without the mustache is really no Selleck at all?

I look at these examples and they not only make me want to be somebody; they make me believe that I can. It is for this reason that the daily emmett must sound the alarm: We cannot afford the mustache to go the way of the mullet. It's just too good for society.

The Endangered List

2007-09-04T10:44:00.000-04:00

- Mustaches
- Yellow Mustard (due to invasive species: fancy mustards)
- Fancy Ketchup
- Mix Tapes
- Dollar-Show Movie Theaters
- Playgrounds made of old Tires and Steel
-

(Please submit areas of concern for consideration for the endangered list)

The Magic Black Man

2007-08-29T12:35:00.000-04:00

The past decade of American cinema has a seen a spike in the use of a Hollywood plot device known as the Magic Black Man. Before exploring this ubiquitous phenomenon, a distinction should be made between the well-developed black character who proves capable of handling the crisis presented by the situation, and the supporting role that is simply there to help the main character (usually white) develop through the story while seeming to glide by with unattached messianic insight into the world and human soul. The magic black man has usually read the script and knows what is coming.

The godfather of them all, nobody plays the magic black man like Morgan Freeman. NOBODY. Here he is playing the most magic black man of all... God.

Perhaps where it all started, Song of the South featured a magic black man who popped up whenever a little white boy was in trouble to fix all his problems.

A more recent example, The Green Mile centers on a black inmate capable of curing impotence, resurrecting pets, and even going to the electric chair so as not to trouble the guards with clearing his name... all for a little cornbread.

While a far stronger character than your average magic black man, Morpheus still fits the bill by appearing from out of nowhere with all the answers. He possesses loads of ability, but nearly no power to be exercised apart from developing Neo's character, all the while being granted little background and character development himself.

We've already discussed Mekhi Phifer's stint as Eminem's hip hop sensei in 8-Mile.
See previous post.

A textbook case, Will Smith both appears and disappears into thin air with a bright smile and friendly advice to help Matt Damon find his swing... and himself.

(It could be argued that Will Smith plays a professional magic black man in Hitch)

Perhaps it's too easy to go after a movie starring a basketball player, but it's just such a damn fine picture. Shaq plays a genie, what's more overt than that?

While technically not a man(?), Whoopi Goldberg undoubtedly joined the magic black man club with her role in Ghost as the predecessor to Miss Cleo.

In the interest of brevity, I'll leave the list incomplete here with a Morgan Freeman bookend. Any magic black man list that does not begin and end with Morgan Freeman is a farce.

The Return of the 80's Action Flick

2007-08-26T11:47:00.000-04:00

Last night I watched Shooter (starring Mark Wahlberg, Danny Glover). I feel a slightly bi-polar trying to review this film. On the one hand, I would be remiss not to admit that much of the dialogue and directing is so cheesy that I felt embarrassed for everyone involved.

On the other hand, I had a good time. I started this movie feeling like I was watching The Fugitive, and I walked away feeling like I had just seen Rambo: First Blood. What's not to like about that?

Which leads to my suspicion that we may be in for a flashback to the Reagan-era from Hollywood. With an election on the horizon and the current political climate, I expect to see a lot more 80's-style action films. Whether or not this trend comes to pass... I guess we'll have to wait for Rambo 4 and Die Hard 4 to be released on video.

Furry Happy Monsters

2007-08-23T12:04:00.000-04:00

One of the perks to having a 1.5-year-old in the house who monopolizes the morning television hours (I know, I know...but judge me when you have one of your own), is that while I am forced to instead get my news from a gaming console, I also come across some really cool stuff.

That's right, Michael Stipe and REM performed "Furry Happy Monsters" on Sesame Street today, and they seemed to have really meant it.

Watch the Video!
(note how Michael Stipe already kind of dances like a muppet)

CNN vs. Mario

2007-08-22T17:55:00.001-04:00

Today I heard the reporter on CNN use the word "nookie".

This makes me less embarrassed that I habitually rely on my Nintendo to keep me posted on world affairs.

Worth Repeating

2007-08-21T11:31:00.000-04:00

"I know there is deep inside (me) some lazy hippie who'd be perfectly happy to lay on the couch, smoke weed and watch 'the Simpsons' all day.

"I'm really afraid of that guy. I don't like him. I don't want him around. And my whole life is kind of constructed to avoid reverting to that guy: Stay busy. Stay focused. Try not to mess up."

- Anthony Bourdain

Why "the Karate Kid" and "8 Mile" are the same movie

2007-08-20T13:46:00.000-04:00

Two masterpieces of the American cinema, one storyline. Our top-notch staff here at "the daily emmett" have been working tirelessly to harmonize the stories into a user-friendly guide that parallels these epic adventures step-by-step:

THE HERO:
8-Mile: B-Rabbit (played by Marshall Mathers)
the Karate Kid: Daniel-san (played by Ralph Macchio)

THE MENTOR:
8-Mile: Future (played by Mekhi Phifer)
the Karate Kid: Mr. Miyagi (played by Pat Morita)

THE ARCH-RIVAL:
8-Mile: Papa Doc
the Karate Kid: Johnny Lawrence

THE GANG OF BAD GUYS:
8-Mile: the Free World
the Karate Kid: the Cobra Kai

INITIAL DEFEAT ESTABLISHES UNDERDOG STATUS OF HERO:
8-Mile: B-Rabbit begins the story by being served a lyrical beating by Papa Doc, the leader of the Free World at his first free-style competition. The only white kid in the inner city rap battles, he just doesn't fit in.
the Karate Kid: After moving to Reno from Jersey, Daniel gets sand kicked in his face when he unwittingly offends Johnny and his friends from the Cobra Kai at a beach party.

THE PLOT-DRIVING NARROW ESCAPE:
8-Mile: Rabbit and friends face near-disaster during an unfortunate meeting on the street with rival rappers "the Free World", during which a gun is pulled. B-Rabbit is later beaten without mercy.
the Karate Kid: Dressed as a shower stall, Daniel-san is nearly killed by a group of skeletons known as the Cobra Kai.

THE TRANSCENDENT MENTOR:
8-Mile: Mekhi Phifer gives B-Rabbit the magic advice he needs to discover his inner gangsta (this is one of example of an epidemic that is spreading through Hollywood, the phenomenon of the "magic black man", which I will reserve for a later discussion).
the Karate Kid: Through eastern philosophy and chopstick fly-swatters, Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel how to be the toughest karate-master in school.

CONFLICT WITH LOVE INTEREST INCREASES TENSION:
8-Mile: B-Rabbit's girl Alex is caught with Wink, a shifty character full of empty promises. A gangsta beating ensues.
the Karate Kid: Daniel-san's girl Ali is caught with Johnny (leading to one of the greatest moments in movie history, Daniel with a plate of spaghetti in his crotch and the initiation of the popular "run-out-of-the-room-while-people-laugh-at-you" sequence).

TENSION WITH MENTOR SETS UP FINAL CONFRONTATION WITH RIVAL... OR IS IT WITH SELF???:
8-Mile: A conflict arises between B-Rabbit and Future, which must be resolved before the final show-down may take place.
the Karate Kid: A discouraged Daniel-san lashes out at Mr. Miyagi. Resolution comes in a moment that will make you re-examine your life, as Miyagi shows Daniel-san that he has in fact mastered Karate by waxing-on and waxing-off.

HERO FIGHTS HIS WAY THROUGH THE GANG:
8-Mile: B-Rabbit must rhyme his way through the entire rival rap gang, "the Free World" to win the chance to take on Papa Doc himself.
the Karate Kid: Daniel-san must fight his way through the entire Cobra-Kai in order to take on Johnny, his arch-nemesis.

THE FINAL BLOW: WEAKNESS IS STRENGTH
8-Mile: After being seemingly decimated by the previous rap which attacked B-Rabbit's most vulnerable areas (e.g.- his mom's a hoe, his girlfriend's a hoe, etc.) B-Rabbit brilliantly uses the momentum of that blow to gain street-cred and expose how comparatively non-gangsta Papa Doc really is.
the Karate Kid: After what seemed to be a career-ending blow to the knee, Daniel uses his injury to set-up the infamous crane kick. This results in the only face-blow in the tournament that lands without penalty.

Social Theory #38 (part 2) - Social Sonar Amplifiers

2007-08-19T12:14:00.000-04:00

Many thanks to "the daily emmett" research correspondents Mike and Phil for contributing to further articulate the Social Sonar thesis. At issue: The observed presence of amplifiers and the apparent need to arrive at a factored social load.

In our previous post, we defined the base attractiveness quotient (e). While each subject carries his/her own value for e, this theoretical value must be factored with other amplification variables (x) to arrive at a more functional attractiveness quotient (E). Amplifiers may include anything from a nice car to the ability to perform magic. These amplifiers must then be measured in terms of their social weight (m), and averaged into a cohesive representation of the subject's perceived attractivity.

Using Bill Gates as a case study, we can see that, taken on his own with an unfactored value for E, we observe the anticipated response to the common nerd (fig.1). However, when factored appropriately (fig.2), we garner a more accurate representation to the observed phenomenon, where- to quote one perceptive reader- "Bill Gates has 10's waving at him from Mars."

Social Theory #38 - Social Sonar

2007-08-17T13:30:00.000-04:00

Much as a bat is blind yet able to guide himself through a tangle of branches, so, too, a man can get an accurate image with which to locate himself in our complex society. The insight came to me during my morning run through the park this week. In an effort to be courteous, I typically nod, smile, and wave as I pass others. Some return the courtesy, and some do not. Just recently, however, I have noticed that in the case of females, there is a direct correlation between the general attractiveness of the women and the likelihood that they will wave back. Thus, the science behind "Social Sonar", which states that the likelihood of a female acknowledging my existence is inversely proportional to her general attractivity.

For example, whenever I cross paths with an "8", my greeting and existence will go unheeded, as I am operating on an incompatible social frequency (see fig.1). Should I instead intersect a "3" (see fig.2), my wave is returned, and information is gathered regarding my position within my own environment. Social laws state that a higher frequency is only returned by a frequency equal to or less than itself, thus social sonar is invaluable for social navigation and comprehension of one's own frequency position.

Social laws are not as inflexible as physical laws, and exceptions do occur. Using myself as an example, I as a 5.8 managed to pick up and lock onto a frequency several notches above myself, a phenomenon known as the "King of Queens" effect.

Pick of the Day

2007-08-14T20:50:00.002-04:00

Okay, I realize that I have 2 "Pick of the Days" here, and most days I won't have any picks at all. Anyone expecting that kind of literal-minded discipline is on the wrong blog.

So I went to the Simpson's movie website, and some friends helped me be honest about what I'd likely look like should I ever get famous enough to move to Springfield.

Max Power, meet Tommy Danger!!!

Pick of the Day

2007-08-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

Not spending enough time shut in to your own apartment watching movies, accompanied by only the smell of your own dirty laundry? Hmmmm... if only there were a way to double the time I spend in front of the television...

Finally, for $3 a pop you can download Mystery Science Theatre 3000 commentary for tons of your favorite films, including: "the Matrix", "Star Wars", and "300" (which I've slowly come to recognize is ironically the gayest movie of all time, narrowly edging out "Glitter" and "Brokeback Mountain")

http://www.rifftrax.com

Beautiful Ann Arbor!

2007-08-12T16:55:00.000-04:00

Stepping into Ann Arbor was like walking into a surprise birthday party. You know something big is coming, and if you prepare yourself too much it might spoil the fun. At the end of the day, I just hope I've walked into the right party.

Big moves like this are good for a man's faith, I think. I am very satisfied at the past 2 weeks. The air conditioning is installed, the wireless router is on its way, and after 2 years of living in the kindness of our parents, Alex and I have 942 SF of wood-floored paradise that feels like ours.

As I sit in my new local coffee house and reflect on how much that helps to make me feel a little more settled here, I think it's good to be reminded of the things we must depend upon our God and upon one another for.

For now, that is not yet.